tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6453787673476195995.post1753748758449853304..comments2024-03-19T23:03:01.685-05:00Comments on Beis Vaad L'Chachamim: Yahrtzeit, Kaddish, and Aveilus.Eliezer Eisenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16036989084122930226noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6453787673476195995.post-78237586402808604632008-10-07T10:22:00.000-05:002008-10-07T10:22:00.000-05:00Just to sum up what has been said here about the &...Just to sum up what has been said here about the "tikkun" on a yahrtzeit:<br>Obviously, this is a minhag that did not exist in the time of the Gemara. The Gemara in Nedarim implies, and the Rama mentions, that there was a minhag to fast on a yahrtzeit, either because it is a time of bad mazal, or a time of middas hadin, or because of teshuva. Why, then, do people do the tikun thing now?<br>Two possiblities:<br>1. The tikkun began as a seuda for a siyum, and the siyum was forgotten.<br>2. The tikkun was intended to provide a meal for the poor. Giving tzedaka is a zechus for the niftar, and feeding the poor is a great merit.<br>So: Either make a siyum, or feed the poor. In the former case, you can eat along with everyone else. If the latter, you fast, and let the poor eat. <br><br>Just providing some schnapps or orange juice and cookies, based on the idea that people will make a bracha for the neshama's zechus, may be a very holy minhag among some branches of Judaism. It's not in mine, and it wasn't in Ravina's or Rav Ashi's. And if it's not in your family background, I advise you to not do it. Look around on my blog, and decide whether my advice is worth listening to.Barzilaihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16036989084122930226noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6453787673476195995.post-28437416324080218932008-08-22T14:31:00.000-05:002008-08-22T14:31:00.000-05:001)"connection with chassidus seems no deeper ...1)"connection with chassidus seems no deeper than an affinity for schnapps"<br><br>2)'Farvos shikken zei shalach monos tzu a beis ho'ovel?' <br>I have to say tough call!?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6453787673476195995.post-59757095102936417462008-08-22T14:09:00.000-05:002008-08-22T14:09:00.000-05:00And what about the trays of cakes and meat and eve...And what about the trays of cakes and meat and everything else that are sent to the beis ha'avel? My mother, upon seeing these gifts, bitterly remarked, "Farvos shikken zei shalach monos tzu a beis ho'ovel?" <br><br>I was upset by the tone of the remark. These people had made a real effort and incurred significant expense for the purpose of being menacheim. They were sent with the best motives, and they show the care and love and sympathy of the community. So I was surprised to see that Reb Moshe basically says the same thing-- that while the basic needs of the aveilim must be taken care of, lechatchila by the aveilim themselves or their family, or if they can't handle it, then by others, gifts of food really are not in the spirit of the shiva. While Reb Moshe does say that one may gracefully accept them, he certainly does not encourage this minhag.<br><br>And whether an aveil should say tiskabeil in kaddish during shiva; I can't tell you how many people said I shouldn't say it, just as Rav JB S. held, like the Gaon, that one shouldn't say it on Tisha Ba'av. Reb Moshe said he never heard of this minhag, and it never was raised for as long as he was in Europe, and you should just pay no attention.<br><br>So I guess you could say that Americans mark aveilus with Chatzi Kaddish, Shalach Monos and Zivchei Meisim.Barzilaihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16036989084122930226noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6453787673476195995.post-55427948130456993432008-08-22T09:45:00.000-05:002008-08-22T09:45:00.000-05:00A neighbor of mine recently ended his aveilus did ...A neighbor of mine recently ended his aveilus did the hakamas hamatzeivah on the day of the yahrzeit. The food fest started with the kiddush sponsored the Shabbos beforehand, it was followed by "tikun" (donuts and other goodies) brought to morning davening, and culminated in the whole family going out to a big dinner in a restaurant following the event. A whole celebration! I just find it hard to believe my eating a Dunkin Donut (in the 5 towns we have the real thing under hashgacha) somehow achieves a positive good for someone's neshoma hopefully engaged in lofty things in the hereafter, but what do I know.Chaim B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02231811394447584320noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6453787673476195995.post-4119939106601292122008-08-22T00:50:00.000-05:002008-08-22T00:50:00.000-05:00connection with chassidus seems no deeper than an ...connection with chassidus seems no deeper than an affinity for schnapps<br>That is a good one!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6453787673476195995.post-89953271253713174622008-08-21T22:03:00.000-05:002008-08-21T22:03:00.000-05:00Reb Yakov's explanation sounds like Gresham...Reb Yakov's explanation sounds like Gresham's law which is stated as "Bad money drives out good." Bad minhagim drive out good minhagim as well.Barzilainoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6453787673476195995.post-55503618460766687342008-08-21T20:21:00.000-05:002008-08-21T20:21:00.000-05:00Hungarians and Sefardim. My favorite is Reb Yackov...Hungarians and Sefardim. My favorite is Reb Yackov Explanation of how the Tikkun Minhag started. First people fasted then they where unable to do that so they made a Siyum now they can learn so all that is left is the "Lekach Un Schnaps"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6453787673476195995.post-73923967031102462692008-08-21T09:26:00.000-05:002008-08-21T09:26:00.000-05:00If you do blog about it, you have to say something...If you do blog about it, you have to say something my cousin from Bnei Brak said. When we made the Hakomas Matzeiva for my father HK'M, we were thinking about how to arrange the subsequent memorial gathering, and someone suggested that we have a big spread for the people attending. My cousin, a musmach from Ponovezh and one of the leading businessmen in Israel, said "Lamah? Bishvil mah? Attah osseh Zivchei Meisim?"<br><br>And his remark shook sense back into me. You put out something to drink or a little fruit or cake for the kovod of the people who made the effor to come out on a hot day after work. But the whole yahrtzeit tikkun thing, the shnapps, the herring, the big party, the "make a bracha l'ilui nishmas so and so," is just completely off the tracks, and there is no reason for non-Hungarians to ape a completely foreign minhag and make fools of themselves.Barzilainoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6453787673476195995.post-55509086033491941482008-08-21T08:51:00.000-05:002008-08-21T08:51:00.000-05:00Somewhat off topic, but something I have been mean...Somewhat off topic, but something I have been meaning to blog about - have you noticed a trend in all communities to mark yahrtzeits with a "tikun" of food and schnapps after davening? I am not talking about doing this in a chassidishe minyan or a shtiebel - I am talking about the likes of a local Young Israel (or its equivalent) and aveilim whose connection with chassidus seems no deeper than an affinity for schnapps? It seems like this idea of "tikun" has so saturated the mindset of American minhagei aveilus that if you show up to shul on a yahrzeit and are fasting, people will look at you strangely, but if you only had shulchan aruch at your disposal and then came to a shul on someone's yahrzeit and discovered a whole seudah set, out you would be equally confused by what people are doing.Chaim B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02231811394447584320noreply@blogger.com