Yahrtzeit, Kaddish, and Aveilus.

The hook to hang this on the Parsha is the mention of Birkas Hamazon in Parshas Eikev. The last of the Brachos of Birkas Hamazon is called Birkas Hatov Ve'hameitiv, and it was instituted (Berachos 48) after the failed rebellion of Beitar, when, after several years, the government allowed us to bury the dead rebels, who had been left where they died. The ability to bury the dead is a great chesed, both for them and for us. In a sense, it is then that new life begins to spring forth from the bones of our ancestors. Along those lines, here is a discussion about certain halachos of Aveilus.

Particularly in a leap year, questions often arise about the duration of the aveilus, the date of the Yahrtzeit, and the calculation of the eleven months for Kaddish. Despite the numerous sefarim that discuss these matters, some halachos remain unclear, and even careful reading of these sources often results in errors. I was an aveil this year; (in my case, my father HK'M was niftar on the first day of Tishrei, the local funeral was on 4th, and the burial was in Israel on 6th day of Tishrei.) I researched the following questions carefully, and I am satisfied with my analysis. My Semicha documents allege that I am entitled to pasken questions of Jewish Law; if, however, you have an Orthodox Rabbi with whom you consult on Halach issues, do so. If no such Rabbi is available to you, then here are the relevant halachos.

THE IMPORTANT POINT HERE IS THAT THE CALCULATION OF THE STARTING POINT FOR THE ELEVEN MONTHS OF KADDISH, FOR THE TWELVE MONTHS OF AVEILUS, AND FOR THE YAHRTZEIT EACH HAVE DIFFERENT RULES AND BEGIN ON DIFFERENT DAYS.

May Mashiach come soon and render these issues irrelevant.

1. Kaddish is recited for eleven months. What comprises eleven months? Eleven months from when? In my case, I was saying kaddish for three days before the funeral, because my father, HK’M, was niftar on Rosh Hashanna morning, and Rosh Hashanna was followed by Shabbos. So I was not an onein for those three days, and I said kaddish.
Another complication: the funeral was local, but the burial was in Israel. I did not go to Israel, so my aveilus began when I saw the coffin off and returned home, before the actual burial.
So when does the eleven month period end?

The eleven months are counted NOT from the time of death, and NOT from the time of the local funeral, and not from the first time I said Kaddish. The eleven months begins at the time of the actual burial. In my case, this means that I said kaddish for eleven months and five days, since the first three days really don’t mean anything, and the two days between the local funeral and the burial in Israel don’t count either. (Igros Moshe YD III 160 and others.)


2. When does the aveilus end? At the Yahrtzeit, or after twelve months?

The aveilus lasts twelve months after the local funeral for people who didn't go on to the burial. Even though it is a leap year, and the Yahrtzeit is a month later, my aveilus ends a month before the Yahrtzeit.


3. When the funeral is three or more days after the death, people are told that the first Yahrtzeit is on the anniversary of the funeral, and the subsequent Yahrtzeits are on the anniversary of the death. Is this true on a leap year?

No. In a leap year, where the Aveilus period included two Adars, and so the Yahrtzeit is a month after the aveilus ends, the Yahrtzeit even the first year is the anniversary of the death, not the anniversary of the funeral. (Pischei Teshuva YD 520.)

For a discussion of the minhag of Tikkun on a Yahrtzeit, please see the comments.