Monday, March 21, 2011

A Modest Proposal: Polar Bears and Jews

We've been beside ourselves with worry about the nuclear power plant in Iran.  I recently realized that instead of worrying, we should embrace this as a golden opportunity.

In a serendipitous finding, recent research has shown that, as one headline puts it,

Nuclear war could reverse global warming, NASA says.

With this in mind, please consider this other piece of news:

Russia's envoy to NATO in January said Stuxnet caused centrifuges producing enriched uranium at the Bushehr plant to spin out of control, which could have sparked a new "Chernobyl tragedy," the 1986 nuclear meltdown in Ukraine.

A moment's thought will show that a creative combination of these two elements can result in two fine things: A reduction of the threat from Iran, and relief from global warming. We can bring relieved smiles to environmental activists and to our brothers in Israel at the same time- making the world safe for both polar bears and Jews.

The only issue that remains was brought up in an email I received, as follows:

Great idea but of course Israel would also need to build a really big fan on its northeast border or post a lot of politicians there.


  1. I know this post is tongue-in-cheek anyway, but I don't think the logic is correct in any event.

    Reverse global warming would result from nuclear "BLASTS" not nuclear meltdowns. The former propogating soot and dust in the atmosphere, the latter radioactive particles alone. I could be wrong, I know little of these things, but just my impression fromt the reading.

  2. Right on both points. But you never know can happen in a perfect storm of a melt-down until it happens.

  3. I think that if it could be timed just right, exploding hydrogen gas could generate a nice shock wave that might compress the melted fuel tubes at the bottom of the container with surprising results.