Masei. Blindness and Mitzvos; Long Walks; and Gaaiveh! Gaaiveh! Gaaiveh!

My mother was in the hospital this week and I didn't have the yishuv hadaas to properly organize the reactions I received via email to the previous posts about the chareidim and the draft.  I intend to do it as soon as I can.


For the time being, here are three matters that I wanted to write about.

I
The Gemara (Bava Kama 87b, Kiddushin 31) brings a machlokes Reb Yehuda and Chachamim whether a blind person is obligated to follow the mitzvos of the Torah.  Reb Yehuda holds he is not.  It is from our parsha of Ir Miklat, the City of Refuge, that Reb Yehuda derives his opinion.  (Chukim = dinim, Dinim = missas beis din, missas beis din = galus, and by galus it says  בלא ראות, and בלא ראות teaches us פרט לסומא, so if no galus, no missas beis din, if no missas beis din no chukim, and chukim = all mitzvos.)

Most poskim say that we hold like the Chachamim, that blind people are obligated to do mitzvos like everyone else, but some pasken like Reb Yehuda.  (Shaar Tziyun 53:41 and Minchas Chinuch 2:25)  The minhag (Mishna Berura 139:13) is that blind people can get an aliya to the Torah (even among the Sfardim, as the Tzitz Eliezer brings in vol. 11 12:2 from the Chida.)  The Mechaber, Reb Yosef Karo, paskens that a blind man may not be given an aliyah.  As I said, the minhag among both ashkenazim and sefardim has moved away from that opinion.  But I saw that someone brings that in Tzfas, where Reb Yosef Karo lived, the minhag to this day is that they do not call a blind man to the Torah.  In Tzfas, where the Mechaber lived, he is still the Mara D'Asra, and they still follow his opinion.

The idea that a great posek should be honored in his city, that the city should follow his psak even if normative halacha moves away from that opinion (to the extent that his psak would be called טעה בשיקול הדעת because the סוגיא דעלמא is not like him), is not unique to Tzfas.

• There is, of course, the first Mishna in Reb Eliezer D'Milah, where the town of Rebbi Eliezer followed his halachos lekula even when all the rest of Klal Yisrael paskened not like Rebbi Eliezer.  
• In the city of Reb Yosi Haglili, they used to eat chicken with milk.   (Chulin 116a)
• A modern day example:  when people agitated for an Eiruv in Chicago, the Bnei Torah refused to become involved, because Rav Aharon Soloveichik was strongly opposed to the Eiruv, in that he was chosheish for the Rambam.  After Reb Aharon was niftar, the grass roots movement gained momentum, and of course the Chasidim and Baalei Batim didn't care about Reb Aharon's chumra, and so there are eiruvin in Chicago now.  But most Bnei Torah still do not carry, lichvod Harav Soloveichik, although the eiruv is kosher according to almost all poskim.

The Rashba (Tshuvos 1:253) says this:

אם היה רב אחד במקומם ולימדם - הן הולכים אחר דבריו. זהו חלוקת ארץ ישראל ובבל ב'תרבא דאיתרא' דאלו אוסרין ואלו מתירין ואוכלין... ואף על פי שהוא חלב דאורייתא לדברי בני בבל.

...ומן הדרך הזה, כל שנהגו לעשות כל מעשיהם על פי אחד מגדולי הפוסקים - במקום שנהגו לעשות כל מעשיהם על פי הלכות הרב אלפסי זכרונו לברכה, ובמקומות שנהגו לעשות כל מעשיהם על פי חיבור הרמב"ם ז"ל - והרי עשו אלו הגדולים כרבם.

although I have to admit that elsewhere (Tshuvos 1:1090) , he limits application of this rule:

שאלת, בארצות הללו נהגו להכשיר חתם סופר ועד (signed by the sofer and one witness) כדברי הרב אלפסי ז"ל וכבר פשט איסור בכל הארץ. מה יעשה בהן לאותן שנעשו כבר, כי אם נאסור יבוא קלקול גדול בדבר, ואפילו באותן שלא נשאו, משום פרוצות ומשום צנועות. וכיון שיש להם על מי שיסמוכו נכשיר הבאים ממדינה אחרת.

תשובה, אף על פי שרבינו יצחק הזקן ז"ל אוסר, ואנו כך דעתנו נוטה, מכל מקום כבר נהגו שם על פי הרב אלפסי ז"ל ומקומו של הרב הוא. וכל מי שנוהג על פיו שם אפשר כי אפילו בבאים שם היה מותר. וה"נ במקומו של רבי יוסי היו אוכלין בשר עוף בחלב... ולא חשו להם חכמים לפי שנהגו על פי רבם. ומכל מקום טוב הוא להזהירם שלא יהו נוהגים כן מכאן ולהבא.

Tshuvos Haran (48)-

בני מקום אחד חייבין לנהוג כדברי גדוליהן, ואפילו היכא דרבים חלוקין עליהם, כדאמרינן (שבת קל, א) במקומו של רבי אליעזר היו כורתים עצים לעשות פחמים לעשות ברזל, וכל שכן כשגדוליהם מחמירים בדבר אחד, שאין לאחד מאנשי מקומם להקל בדבר.       

and Tshuvos Rivash (256),

עוד שאלת: במקום שנהגו היתר, אם ראוי למחות באותו המנהג ולאסור אותו לגמרי? נראה שראוי לבטל המנהג ההוא, כדאמרינן בפרק קמא דראש השנה (טו, ב): 'כי נהגו במקום אסורא, מי שבקינן להו'? ואם היה דבר זה מחלוקת קדומה בין החכמים ז"ל, זה אוסר וזה מתיר, ועשו כדברי האחד להקל מפני שהיה רבם, או שחכמי המקום נטו אחר דעתו, בכגון זה מניחין אותם על מנהגם, אע"פ שיש הרבה מקומות שנהגו לאסור. כההיא דמגרומתא דרב ושמואל בפרק קמא דחולין (יח, ב); ותרבא דאייתרא בפרק אלו טרפות (נ, א)... וכההיא דלוי...וכמו שהעלמתי עין בסרקסט"ה, במה שנהגו היתר הנאה במגע כותי ביין... אבל הדברים האסורין בלי מחלוקת, שנהגו בהן היתר קצת מקומות מפני שלא ידעו שהן אסורים, זה מנהג טעות הוא, ואינו כלום. 

For a fascinating discussion of the deep significance of a Mara D'Asra, see Rabbi Yosef Gavriel Bechhoffer's discussion here.

One paragraph to whet your interest-

Reb Tzadok draws an analogy to medicines. Different patients suffering dissimilar illnesses at distinct times require different - often opposite - Refu'as HaGuf medications. Similarly, different members of Am Yisroel in dissimilar places at distinct times in history require different - often opposite - Refu'as HaNefesh medications. Hashem created a world full of variety and differences.  (....)  The variations in Halacha correspond to the variations among human beings. (A Kabbalistic explanation of these variations along the lines of chesed and gevurah is cited in the Hakdama to Tanya). The inhabitants of the town of Rabbi Eliezer who cut down trees on Shabbos to make coals to forge knives to perform a Bris Mila that day (according to his opinion in Shabbos 130a that machshirei mila are docheh Shabbos) were therefore fulfilling a mitzva and Retzon Hashem. Their Mara D'Asra, whom Hashem had provided them as a Rofeh HaNefesh, had made such a determination. Inhabitants of any other locality who would engage in the same activity, however, would be liable to capital punishment!

II
The Gemara in Bava Basra 122a (אלא לקרובה ורחוקה) strongly implies that the closer a tribe's land was to Yerushalayim, the better the portion.  This is how the Rashbam learns the Gemara- because it is closer to the Kedusha of Yerushalayim, and farther from the dangerous borders.  I once heard from Reb Moshe that one can say the contrary as well- that the farther from Yerushalayim the better, because then you have to walk farther on the Shalosh Regalim, and for every step there is schar halicha (e.g., the woman Reb Yochanan talked to in Sotah 22a).  You are placed in a situation where you have to do more hachana.  I never understood how he could say that, when the pashtus of the Gemara in Bava Basra is directly opposite.  I understand that drush is more flexible, but how can you say the exact opposite of the Gemara?  I then saw that the Chasam Sofer here says exactly like Reb Moshe.

מיהו לולא דברי הרשב"ם היה אפשר לומר דרחוק היה זכות יותר דאיכא שכר פסיעות לילך למקדש 

 This is not the first time I saw a remarkable correlation between the way those two gedolim thought.


III
There's a news item going around about Rav Shteinman's nixing a new Beis Yaakov because it catered to frum elitism (original article in Hebrew is here.)  I want to remind everyone that around a year and a half ago, Rav Steinman expressed this opinion very forcefully and unequivocally here, or http://www.kikarhashabat.co.il/video.php?vid=28285-20044- where someone came to him about whether to let in some kids whose home is more "open," and Rav Shteinman listens calmly, and discusses it in soft tones, until...  you have to watch it.  See from 3.00 for the fireworks.  Poor Rav Steinman.  It must be hard to be sane in an insane world.  In another example- Haaretz, an agenda-driven newspaper, has no credibility, but in this case they happened to tell the truth.  The protesters, by the way, were those refined souls, those אצילי בני ישראל, whose cultural legacy voiced itself in the line I quoted a few weeks ago:

  אבער בדיבור הי' נהוג בכל העולם בכל הדורות לומר ימ"ש

(ימ"ש stands, of course, for ימח שמו.)

After Reb Chaim Stein was niftar, people said "why did nobody tell me about this great man?  Why did I have to wait until it was too late before I was told of what he was?  If only I had known, I would have jumped into an airplane and gone to see him before it was too late!"

There was once a Doctor Raphael Moller, a yekke, who occasionally saw the Satmarer Rov.  One time, he came into the waiting room, and the Chasidim, seeing a yekke with a short beard, kind of squashed him into a corner.  The Rebbe heard he was there and immediately brought him in to his room, and sent his Shamosh out to tell the people in the waiting room that they should take advantage of being able to look at Dr. Moller, because in Olam Haba, they won't be allowed into the same room with him.  (Heard from Dr. Moller's grandson, Rabbi Avraham Shimon Moller.  We don't make stories up.)

Well, my friends, now you know.  There is a Rav Steinman in Bnei Brak.  Get over there and look at him.  Learn something about him before you go, about his gadlus in Torah, about how little he eats, about his indefatigable energy in chesed and avodas hashem, prepare yourself by understanding what kind of person it is that you will be looking at.  In Olam Haba, you might not have the zechus to look at him.

Dr. Nachum J. Stone. A Guest Post on Chareidim and Military Service

Our last two posts discussed Shevet Levi's exemption from joining the Jewish army, an exemption from both combat and military support, and the relationship between those that have the awesome privilege of service and those who stay at home and pray and learn for them.  Understandably, the posts elicited strong reaction from those that feel that the chareidi refusal to serve in the military is wrong.  I invited Dr. Stone to explain, in the context of social and halachic realities, the position of those that feel that way.  His article follows.  I invite all other readers to do the same.  Dr. Stone's article far exceeds the standards I require for posting here, and should not discourage others who wish to express their opinion in their own voice.

In the course of his vort on the unique circumstances of Milchemet Midyan, K’vod Baal Achsanya, HaRav HaGaon B, asked why is it that “Frum Jews [who] hate the Chareidim for avoiding the draft.”

                I would like to try to explain on a few levels. Firstly, no one I have ever met hates the Chareidim for anything. A much more accurate description would be resentment.

                It should be noted that all draft-dodgers are looked down-upon in Israeli society. Citizens protest if non-soldiers are hired for entertainment. Most job applications inquire of one’s military service. It’s just part of a society whose existence is so fragile.

                HaRav B seems to want to include modern Chareidi draft-avoiders in Rambam’s military exemption. [This is not the place to debate that point, but it is not universally accepted that Rambam exempts ANYONE from a Milchemet Mitzvah. V’AKMAL ] I have never heard any of the yeshiva students make such a claim, but to do so  would be ridiculous. Can any contemporary Talmid Yeshiva claim to “פרק מעל צוארו עול החשבונות הרבים אשר בקשו בני האדם”?  These are the same Talmidim who whine when their stipends are 2 weeks late? Who think that all businesses are somehow “obligated” to give them a special discount? Who demand equal funding as army-veteran university students? Are any of them on that level?

                Even if we were to grant that the Rambam Levite exemption exists, it certainly is not obligatory upon anyone to exempt himself. Imagine if these “Klei Kodesh” were in the army. Would it not change the nature of the army to a Machaneh  Kadosh  ? How would motivation change, how would morale change? How would the self-image of these Bnei Yeshiva change? The army already has special yeshivishe units. Perhaps they are not perfect, but if they were more heavily populated, they would function better too!

                The original agreement between the Chazon Ish and PM Ben Gurion was intended to free-up a few hundred superior scholars to replenish the rabbinic cadre after the holocaust. Now, the Torato Umanuto exemption has become an almost mandatory burden on all who would call themselves Chareidi. They are pariahs if they don’t “choose” the exemption. So the system is abused, and the newspapers duly report the sophisticated massive fraud. Fictitious students get government stipends to learn in largely virtual yeshivot. Perhaps the Chilul Hashem drives some of the disgust ?

                Are all the Chareidim being stigmatized because of the abuse of the few? Certainly. On the other hand how many of the Talmidei Yeshivot are true matmidim whose time can’t be sacrificed for communal defense? So the 95% who abuse the system give all the others a bad name!

                This leads us to the heart of the problem. The future Talmidei Yeshivot are indoctrinated from a young age, that they are the true defenders of Israel. Without their precious learning we would lose all our wars!  It’s hard to fault the kids; the ideology is axiomatic for them. So, not only do they not serve. Not only do they not respect or thank those who serve (and die…) but they hold themselves superior.  I think we’re very close to an answer to HaRav B’s question.

     Another point raised was “Shevet Levi had the job of davening for Klal Yisrael.”  I’m sure they did.  Unfortunately, these modern-day self-appointed Leviim have neglected that part of their job. The contemporary non-participants would rather stomp out of shule than daven for the soldiers, even the dead ones. They won’t use a siddur that includes a prayer for our soldiers [really, I’ve seen them check]. I had one guy leave the ammud as shatz one Shabbat [and then the building] when asked to say the mishbarach for the soldiers- in the middle of a war! Yes, in America, there’s more of a chance that the Chareidim will pray for the soldiers, there’s less of a chance that the youth might be tempted to be one. Yet still, those shules that do daven for the soldiers are few.

There’s a strange paradox here.  On the one hand, the individual Talmid Yeshiva can’t be faulted for doing what absolutely everyone around him is doing, what he has been trained to do since birth.  It would be quite radical for him to do otherwise.  Indeed, the few charedim who do join the army probably are trying to get out of the charedi system anyway.  On the other hand, many in the younger charedi leadership have told me that they know that what they are doing is probably wrong, definitely causing friction, and unlikely to last in the long-term.  But they see themselves powerless to change anything; the “street” won’t let them.  So the “street” doesn’t bear personal responsibility, but is responsible for the perpetuation of an intolerable situation that guarantees animosity.  

                We should also bear in mind something very important psychologically- who else doesn’t serve? The Arabs. Who else claims to hate the state and wishes for it to disappear- ibid

Simplistic? Yes. But herds think simplistically.

                To close, I too, would like to quote our parsha: האחיכם יבאו למלחמה ואתם תשבו פה?!

Matos, Bamidbar 31:4. Shevet Levi's Military Service Exemption

The Tribe of Levi did not fight in the Jewish wars.  This is obvious in numerous pesukim in the Torah, such as the many censuses which state explicitly that Shevet Levi was not counted because they were not Yotzei Tzava.  Additionally, whenever war is described in Yehoshua and Shoftim, all the other tribes are mentioned, but never Shevet Levi, not in Milchemes Mitzva/divine imperative war, not in Milchemes Reshus/politically motivated war, and not in Milchemes Amalek/the war against Amalek.

This fundamental rule is crystallized in the Rambam's words at the end of Shmita ve'Yovel:

ולמה לא זכה לוי בנחלת ארץ ישראל ובביזתה עם אחיו? מפני שהובדל לעבוד את י"י לשרתו ולהורות דרכיו הישרים ומשפטיו הצדיקים לרבים, שנאמר יורו משפטיך ליעקב ותורתך לישראל. לפיכך הובדלו מדרכי העולם. לא עורכין מלחמה כשאר ישראל, ולא נוחלין, ולא זוכין לעצמן בכח גופן. אלא הם חיל השם שנאמר ברך י"י חילו. והוא ברוך הוא זוכה להם שנאמר אני חלקך ונחלתך.   ולא שבט לוי בלבד, אלא כל איש ואיש מכל באי העולם אשר נדבה רוחו אותו והבינו מדעו להבדל לעמוד לפני י"י לשרתו ולעובדו לדעה את י"י והלך ישר כמו שעשהו האלהים ופרק מעל צוארו עול החשבונות הרבים אשר בקשו בני האדם, הרי זה נתקדש קדש קדשים, ויהיה י"י חלקו ונחלתו לעולם ולעולמי עולמים. ויזכה לו בעה"ז דבר המספיק לו כמו שזכה לכהנים ללוים. הרי דוד ע"ה אומר י"י מנת חלקי וכוסי אתה תומיך גורלי:

So it's not only Shevet Levi.  This exemption includes all who take upon themselves lives exclusively dedicated to study and religious service.

From this Rambam, all we know is that people who are exclusively dedicated to learning Torah are exempt from conscription.  But what of people who work, but are Talmidei Chachamim?  For that, we look to the Rambam in 6 Talmud Torah 10:

תלמידי חכמים אינם יוצאין בעצמן לעשות עם כל הקהל בבנין וחפירה של מדינה וכיוצא בהן כדי שלא יתבזו בפני עמי הארץ. ואין גובין מהן לבנין החומה ותיקון השערים ושכר השומרים וכיוצא בהן ולא לתשורת המלך. ואין מחייבים אותן ליתן המס בין מס שהוא קצוב על בני העיר בין מס שהוא קצוב על כל איש ואיש שנאמר גם כי יתנו בגוים עתה אקבצם ויחלו מעט ממשא מלך ושרים. וכן אם היתה סחורה לתלמיד חכם מניחים אותו למכור תחלה ואין מניחים אחד מבני השוק למכור עד שימכור הוא. וכן אם היה לו דין והיה עומד בכלל בעלי דינים הרבה מקדימין אותו ומושיבין אותו:

It appears that the concept of "Shevet Levi" applies both to those that are dedicated to exclusive Torah study and also to the Talmidei Chachamim (a contextually sensitive term whose meaning changes according to the time and place, as evident in various applications which I don't feel like looking up now.)


So it is clear that Shevet Levi did not go to war, not Milchemes Mitzva, not Milchemes Reshus, and not Milchemes Amaleik.  What did they do?  They learned and davenned.  As the Gemara in Makkos 10a says, א"ר יהושע בן לוי מאי דכתיב (תהילים קכב) עומדות היו רגלינו בשעריך ירושלם? מי גרם לרגלינו שיעמדו במלחמה - שערי ירושלם שהיו עוסקים בתורה .  But there was one and only one exception:  The war with Midian, as described in our parsha.  Rashi in 31:4 says לכל מטות ישראל: לרבות שבט לוי:.  This is based on Rashi's girsa in the Sifri here (although the Gaon has the Sifri saying the opposite.)   Rashi's Sifri is stating that Levi did not join the battle in other wars, but the war against Midian was the exception.



Another odd thing about this War is that only here are we introduced to the idea of having dedicated davenners for each soldier.  What happened in the earlier war with Sichon and Og?


Of course, the two singularities explain each other.


In all other wars, Shevet Levi had the job of davenning for Klal Yisrael, and there was no need to dedicate a mispallel for each soldier.  In the war of Midian, on the other hand, Shevet Levi was physically invested, just as all the other Shevatim were.  If so, there was no Shevet- there was no eidah- that was completely and exclusively dedicated to tefilla and Torah.  So davka in this war was there a requirement of having Anshei Ma'amad.


One more question: Why was the War of Midian different from all other wars?  Why were the Leviim told to join the war on the battlefield?
The Rogotchover says that this was not a Milchemes Mitzva and it was not a Milchemes Reshus.  It did not have the dinim of Milchama at all.  It was, as he explains here, an action of revenge.  He says it was נקמה, not מלחמה.  It was an infliction of נקמת השם במדין.  He says there are many halachic differences between the two.  Two examples: here there was not din of יפת תואר, and there was no rule of only surrounding the enemy on three but not four sides.

In any case, I look forward for someone to explain to me why the idea of military exemption for Talmidei Yeshivos elicits such anger from other Frum Jews.  I'm not talking about Tel Avivians, who, beginning at around the same age that Dati children are being taught Torah tziva lanu Moshe. are taught to abhor Chareidim.  I'm curious about Frum Jews who hate the Chareidim for avoiding the draft.  Of course, the system is abused, and batlanim and shkotzim and black marketers take advantage of it.  But as far as I can tell, the people who disparage the Chareidim for draft avoidance do so wholesale, not retail, and feel that even yeshiva bachurim who are sincere and serious masmidim ought to be in the army.

Since it's the Three Weeks, and, as I've said, we're fated to be at each other's throats anyway, please feel free to heap invective upon me.  Catharsis is good for you.

By the way: Just as the Eim Habanim Smeicha is endlessly cited in the DL community, here's someone with sterling credentials that says pshat in the Rambam like me:  Rav Tikotzinsky, writing for Rav Herzog.  (An epitaph for Rav Tikotzinsky is here.)  You really don't need rayos that the Rambam means what he says, but there it is anyway.  See also the Ambuha D'Sifri vol II page 518, or here, and the Pnei Meivin in Sanhedrin 20b, here.

Rabbi Yonoson Rosenblum mentioned this issue in an article some time ago.  The full article is located here, and I quote the most relevant passage:

The resentment of those who serve three years in the army – often in circumstances of great danger – towards those who do not serve, is understandable from their point of view. Yet the chareidi world will never agree to dismantle the hundreds of yeshivos built from the ashes over the last fifty years and send our 18-year-olds into the army. If the price of an improved public image is the destruction of the world of Torah, it is a price that cannot be paid. We also have our world view, and know that without the protection of Torah learning Israel cannot defend itself.

The chareidi rejection of army service for 18-year-olds (the traditional draft age) has both a positive and a negative dimension. The positive is the insistence on the incomparable value of Torah learning in Hashem’s eyes. The Yeshiva world rejects the assertion that yeshiva students do not contribute to the national defense. On the contrary, yeshiva students are told repeatedly that their learning is the greatest protection of the Jewish people in Eretz Yisroel. Though it is true that a radical division of labor exists in Israeli society, it is not just between those who serve in the army and those who don’t, but more fundamentally between the 10-15% who are shomer mitzvos and those who are not.

Even at Mercaz HaRav, long viewed as the flagship yeshiva of the National Religious world, boys are strongly encouraged to push off army service in favor of full-time learning during the crucial years prior to marriage, and for several years thereafter.

The negative objection to army service derives from the use of the Israeli army as an instrument of socialization. Chareidim have no desire to have their children socialized to norms antithetical to the Torah and in a spiritually threatening environment. Israel, for instance, has long been the only non-revolutionary society to draft women. The recent push to integrate women into combat units has caused many even in the national religious world to reconsider the propriety of army service.

Nor can we control the irrational aspects of the hatred. A certain antipathy to the Torah and those who learn it is built into the Creation. Where does the name Sinai come from? Chazal ask. They answer: From there sina (hatred) came into the world (Shabbos 89b).

(end quote)


Here's an abstract of some fellow's master thesis at an American college.  Found here.
The haredim in Israel are an ultra-Orthodox Jewish religious group who uphold the most conservative of Jewish laws. Instead of serving in the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) as all other Israelis do, the haredim are exempted from the IDF's policy of universal conscription. This thesis proposes three hypotheses to determine why Israel's haredim do not serve in the IDF. First, the haredim do not serve in the IDF because they do not want to; second, the haredim do not serve because they hold pacifistic political opinions; and third, the haredim do not serve because Jewish religious tradition forbids military service. To test these hypotheses, data were gathered by conducting a literature review and studying Israeli newspapers, official Israeli Government statistics, and unofficial public opinion surveys. Accordingly, a close examination of both the haredi worldview and the cultural characteristics of Israel's haredi communities suggests that the haredim do not want to serve in the IDF for self-interested reasons. Furthermore, a survey of haredi political opinions indicates that the majority of haredim exhibit a hawkish and aggressive political orientation. Finally, an analysis of individual haredi voices reveals that haredi yeshiva students consider their Torah studies to be an integral component to Israel's wartime activities. Contrary to the expectations of this thesis, haredi resistance to military service is not defined by an aversion to war or a commitment to peace, and it therefore cannot serve as a model for advocates of conflict resolution to emulate.  


And finally, reporting from Yediot Achronot..........
Activists protest haredi draft dodging - Israel News, Ynetnews

Matos, Bamidbar 31:4. Elef LaMatteh. Direct Responsibility for a Soldier

When Operation Cast Lead was being waged, the Tanchuma in this week's parsha became widely known.  The Tanchuma here is on passuk 31:4, in Siman 3.  It's also in the Medrash Rabba Bamidbar 23:2- or is it 22:3.  The Tanchuma in Siman 3 on the passuk אלף למטה אלף למטה לכל מטות ישראל תשלחו לצבא says the following:

 אלף למטה אלף למטה. יש אומרים, אלפים מכל שבט ושבט שלח. ויש אומרים, שלשת אלפים מכל שבט ושבט. שנים עשר אלף חלוצי צבא, ושנים עשר אלף לשמור את הכלים, ועליהם הוא אומר, שניך כעדר הקצובות וגו'. ושנים עשר אלף לתפלה. ומנין. שכך כתיב, אלף למטה אלף למטה, הרי שני אלפים. וימסרו מאלפי ישראל. מהו וימסרו. שהם נמסרין זוגות זה לזה.

When describing the conscription for the war with Midian, the Torah says that each tribe will provide one thousand soldiers, and the Torah repeats the words:  Elef Lamatteh, elef lamatteh.  The Medrash explains the repetition (and the word וימסרו) to mean that besides the thousand soldiers conscripted from each sheivet, an additional two thousand people were separated from each sheivet.  Each soldier had two people assigned to him.  These were one for support, like providing food and transportation, and one to daven and learn Torah as a merit to keep his soldier safe.


Rav Elyashiv shlit"a (דברי אגדה p.321) brings this Medrash (Bamidbar Rabbah 22:3) and says that this requirement of tefilla, having one person davenning for the safety and success of each soldier, was for a battle that was declared explicitly by Hashem and so was predestined to be successful.   Additionally, we add the leadership of Pinchas, the call of the chaztotzros and the presence of the Aron Hakodesh and the Tzitz of the Kohen Gadol.  Also, we can also assume that the Dor Dei’ah as a whole, all the people who davenned every day during the war as they always davenned, knew how to daven for the success of the war and said tehillim for safety and success.  Despite all that siyata dishmaya, Moshe earmarked for each and every soldier a meilitz yosher.  One can only imagine that in our time, writes Rav Elyashiv, we should have 10 people davening and learning (Torah magna umatzla, Sotah 21a,) for the safety of every single soldier.

See also Makkos 10a:

א"ר יהושע בן לוי מאי דכתיב (תהילים קכב) עומדות היו רגלינו בשעריך ירושלם מי גרם לרגלינו שיעמדו במלחמה שערי ירושלם שהיו עוסקים בתורה 

Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi said: Dovid Hamelech attributed victory in war to the Jews in Jerusalem who supported the troops with their Torah study.  By whose merit do we remain standing after battle?  In the merit of those who are in Jerusalem studying Torah.

During that war, the Arutz 7 News Organization printed this article about this project, and quoted the Bostoner Rebbe, and yibadlu lechaim Rav Simcha Kook and Reb Chaim Kanievsky as strongly supportive.

קריאה: להתפלל להצלחת חיילי צה"ל

רבה של רחובות, הרב שמחה הכהן קוק, והאדמו"ר מבוסטון, הרב לוי יצחק הורוביץ, יצאו היום בקריאה לציבור לשאת תפילה בעד חיילי צה"ל הנלחמים בעזה.

פרסום ראשון: 05/01/09, 19:17

אליה שילה

הרב הראשי של רחובות, הרב שמחה הכהן קוק, והאדמו"ר מבוסטון, הרב לוי יצחק הורוביץ, יצאו היום בקריאה לציבור לשאת תפילה בעד חיילי צה"ל הנלחמים בעזה.

במקביל קראו הרבנים לכל חייל החפץ שיתפללו בעדו להתקשר לטלפון 02-581-1911, ולמסור את שמו ואת שם אמו, אין צורך בשמות המשפחה.

"ולעת כזאת חובתנו לחוש את אחדות כלל ישראל בלב ובנפש להרבות בתפילה ובכל העניינים, כי עת צרה היא ליעקב וכו' ובעהשי"ת ממנה ייוושע. באנו לעורר, לבקש, ולהוסיף עניין של זיכוי הרבים ביותר", כותבים הרבנים.

"תורתנו הקדושה מעידה כי במלחמת מדין נצטוו להיחלץ "אלף למטה אלף למטה". ואיתא במדרש רבה ובילקוט שמעוני ש"וימסרו" היינו עוד אלף למטה. פירושו שהיו נמסרין זוגות זוגות, כדי שיהיו מתפללים איש על רעהו. ואכן במלחמת מדין נאמר "ולא נפקד ממנו איש". ובודאי העובדה שניצלו כולם הייתה בגלל תפילת כלל ישראל", הוסיפו הרבנים.

הרבנים מציינים כי דבר זה הובא לפני מרן הגאון רבי חיים קניבסקי שליט"א, הרב שמח בדבר, והוסיף ואמר שכך גם נהג דוד המלך ע"ה שכל אחד שיצא להילחם, הכינו יהודי נוסף, שתפקידו היה, להתפלל עבור היוצא, ויש א"כ הסכמת דוד המלך ע"ה לתפילות אלו.

בנוסף קוראים הרבנים לכל אחד המצוי בגלל המלחמה במצוקה או בחרדה, במקלט ובכל אתר, לפנות למספר הנ"ל וגם שמו יועבר לאותם אלו שקיבלו על עצמם להוסיף בתפילה ובתלמוד תורה עבור המבקש, "ובעזהשי"ת נזכה מן השמים גם אנו לנאמר "ולא נפקד ממנו איש".

"ובזה אנו קוראים גם לכל מי שרוצה לקיים דברי חכמים ולהוסיף בתורה ותפילה, להצטרף ולהיכנס לפיתקא של תפילות, להתקשר למספר הנ"ל ולקבל שם של חייל או אחר לכוון את תוספות תורתו ותפלתו לזכות חבירו", מוסיפים הרבנים וחותמים, "גם נשים צדקניות יכולות לקבל על עצמן להתפלל עבור חברה השרויה במצוקה עקב המלחמה"

The organization that arranged these shidduchim was called, of course, Elef Lamatteh.  Here is their website.

 Although this idea became well known in '09, my sister, Rebbitzen Faskowitz of Queens, who is married to Rabbi Moshe Faskowitz of the Torah Center of Hillcrest, wrote an article that was printed in the Jewish Press, suggesting this idea during the 2006 war in Lebanon, that people should have the name of a specific soldier for whom to be mispallel for success and safety.  It's a lot more effective when you're being mispallel and learning for a specific person with a name that you know, especially when he is putting himself in harm's way to protect you.  The least you can do is daven and learn to protect him.

Baruch Hashem, there's no hot war going on.  But soldiers are still being conscripted and soldiers are still endangered, and they're doing their job to protect the yishuv in Eretz Yisrael.  It is still a good idea to have the name of a specific soldier in mind.  Since individuals cannot do this, and the Elef Lamateh organization is not currently in business, I would suggest that shuls figure out how many mispallelim they have, men and women, and get an equal number of names from a contact in Israel, who will circulate a form on Facebook or something like that in which soldiers who consent to the arrangement can submit their names, and then assign a soldier to each and every single adult in the shul.  Keep track of your soldier!  If you want to send him a salami or her a box of cookies, that would be fine, too, but don't let that get in the way of your real job- protecting him or her with your Tefilla and Torah.


Update:
I recently became aware of a Sicha attributed to Harav Weintraub in which he shares with us a strikingly different perspective.  I think that you can see that his primary concern is that one might develop a sense of parity or privity with people who hate the Torah and the Halacha.  On that basis, he makes a policy decision, as you will see, and policy decisions are not always pretty.  I found it on the Life in Israel blog.  You will have to click on each picture to make it comfortable to read. Maybe 'comfortable' is not the right word.

Pinchas, Bamidbar 27:1. Saying Yimach Shemo- ימח שמו

Some person is found to have done a terrible thing, he is a rasha gamur, a horrible person, and someone says about him "Yimach Shemo Ve'Zichro," may his name and memory be erased.  A refined  person would certainly not express himself this way, but is there anything actually wrong with saying it?


My mother once told me a story about the Ponovezher Rov. (The Rov was a dear friend of our family, and used to stay at our house when he was in Chicago.  My mother and his daughter were close friends before the war;  my mother remembers that when the German bombardment began, she met her friend on the bridge in Kovna, and she asked her, Esther, vu geist du? because she was running back into town.  Esther responded "I'm going to my family."  That was the last time my mother saw her.  The Rov also learned with my mother's brother.)  Either the Ponovezher himself told the story to my mother, or his son, Reb Avraham Kahaneman told her the story.  Someone was talking to the Rov about Ben Gurion's  virulent enmity toward religion and the policies and laws he enacted against the Torah community.  This is certainly true- Ben Gurion did not love Orthodox Judaism.  Reb Chaim Ozer writes in his letters that Ben Gurion (at that time David Gruen)  had organized a demonstration in Warsaw, and the posters advertising the demonstration proclaimed that it would be מכת מוות לאורטודוקסיה, the "death blow to Orthodoxy."  A friend of organized religion he was not.  In any case, this person used the expression "ימח שמו" "may his name be erased," against Ben Gurion.  The Ponovezher Rov immediately and vehemently  responded, "One may never say such a thing on a Jew, no matter what he is!  (The Torah says that the widow of a married man that dies childless becomes a Yevama, so that her husband's brother might marry her and carry forward the name of the man that died.)  Are you paskening that Ben Gurion would not have a din Yibum?  The Torah says "lo yimacheh shemo," and that applies even to Ben Gurion!"

The problem is that there is an opinion among the Rishonim that a Mumar, one who has abandoned the Jewish religion, does not have a din Yibum.  If such person dies childless, his wife cannot marry his brother in order to perpetuate his name.  This is the opinion of the Mordechai in Yevamos.  And if Ben Gurion's not a mumar, then I'm Rabbeinu Hakadosh.  Now it's true that we don't pasken like the Mordchai (EH 157:5).  But why did the Ponovezher react so strongly?  Why can't we rely on the Mordchai at least to be mattir cursing that devil who gave the order to fire on the Altalena/kidnapper of innocent Teimani immigrants/Socialist/all around dvar hashem bazanik/meisis umadi'ach?

It so happens that there's a Chasam Sofer in the Teshuvos (Vol. 6 #56) that is relevant to this question.  


The Gemara in Bava Basra 119b says that Moshe Rabbeinu was teaching the laws of Yibum, and the daughters of Tzelafchad came in with a question:  אם כבן אנו חשובין תנה לנו נחלה כבן אם לאו תתיבם אמנו  If we daughters are like בנים, sons, in the lexicon of the dinim of the Torah, then we ought to inherit his share of the Land of Israel.  If we're not like בנים, then our mother ought to be a Yevama and marry our father's brother, because he died without בנים!


Someone asked the Chasam Sofer that if Tzelafchad was the Mekosheish Eitzim, then he publicly violated the Shabbos, and the rule is that a mechalel Shabbos in public is considered an absolute mumar.  According to the Mordechai that a Mumar doesn't cause Yibum, their claim was flawed.  Even if they, the daughters, are not like בנים, and so he is considered to have died without בנים, there would still be no din of yibum, because the father, being a mumar, was not entitled to yibum. 


The inquirer suggested two answers: 1. Only a person who repeatedly does the sin is categorized as a "mumar."  One time, although liable for punishment, does not make him a mumar.  2. Tzelafchad intended his act to be a test case that would demonstrate the seriousness of the violation of Shabbos, and so although he did violate Shabbos, he was motivated l'sheim Shamayim.  These answers are obviously weak, and the Chasam Sofer did not like either one.


The Chasam Sofer answers the question with a chiddush.  He says that the rule that "One who publicly violates Shabbos is an absolute Mumar for all halachos of the Torah," is limited:  it does not apply to Yibum even according to the Mordchai.  The Mordechai's rule that a mumar does not cause yibum only refers to a mumar who abandons Judaism, a mumar who becomes a meshumad and joins another religion.

  לא אמרו מרדכי אלא במי שהמיר ונדבק באומה משארי האומות ויצא מכלל יהדות לגמרי על זה אמרו שאינו בהקמת שם ואין מקושש ואפילו אחאב בכלל זה

Say what you will about Ben Gurion, he wasn't worse than Achav, and he was no less dedicated to his concept of the Jewish People.

So the mussar haskeil of this story is that a Jew might be a rasha, he might be a mena'eif, he might be a mumar le'chol hatorah kulla, or a murderer.  But if he is a Jew by any definition, if he hasn't rejected and abandoned his tie to Klal Yisrael, you can never say on such a person Yimach Shemo.  Even on the worst Jews, the Ribono shel Olam says veLo yimacheh shmo.

Note:
The internet is so marvelous.... I searched for the word yimacheh, because I remembered a phrase in Chazal that goes something like ימחה וימחה
and I came across an explanation in a forum on ivelt.com for why frummeh protesters are allowed to call the police Nazis.  Can you believe they have an actual discussion about this?  Morons.  Anyway, one of the commenters there wrote the following.  I don't know if it's assur to read on Tisha Ba'av because it makes you laugh, or muttar because it makes you cry.

וכאן המקום להעיר, וועגן זאגן ימח שמם, כידוע האט דער פאפער רב ז"ל געזאגט ביי די דעמאנסטראציע וועגן חיטוטי שיכבי געזאגט, ליגט אויף אינז דער חיוב צו זאגן ימח שמם וזכרם.

און דאס וואס מען זאגט איבער פון א גדול, ולא ימחה שמו מישראל, צו מען וואלט געדארפט מיבם זיין, קודם יש שיטת ר' יהודאי גאון מובא בטור, אף שלא פסקינן כן, אז א מומר דארף אחיו נישט מייבם זיין, ווייל ימחה וימחה, והגם למעשה פסקנט מען נישט אזוי, אבער בדיבור הי' נהוג בכל העולם בכל הדורות לומר ימ"ש. הלא אם יש"ו נוצרי שר"ת שלו הוא ימח שמו וזכרו, הי' מת בלי בנים, לא הי' אשתו מותרת בלי יבום, וכן שבתי צבי ימ"ש שכתבו עליו כן כל גדולי הדור, והד"ח כידוע כתב כן אף על בנש"ק בעת המחלוקת אשר אין לדבר מזה בזמנינו, אבל יכולים ללמוד, כי על שגץ מותר לומר ולכתוב ימח שמו

Here's a free translation, though I can't perfectly communicate the stupidity that cries out from every line.

"This is the place to remark about saying yimach shmam, it is known that the Popper Rov Z'L said by the demonstrations about the excavation of bodies that we are obligated to say yimach shemam ve'zichram.  

And that which is said in the name of a gadol "lo yimacheh shemo," where we would have to do yibum, first of all, there is the opinion of Rav Yehuda'i Gaon brought in the Tur that you don't do yibum when a mumar dies, because his name certainly ought to be erased.  Even though we don't pasken like that, but in speech the minhag is in all places and all times to say YM'SH.  If Yeshu the Nazarene, whose initials are Yimach Shemo Vezichro, would die without children, would his wife not be muttar without yibum?...and Shabtai Tzvi.....  We can learn from this that on a Sheigitz it is muttar to say and to write Yimach Shemo."

That has to be one of the great treasures of the internet:
  נהוג בכל העולם בכל הדורות לומר ימ"ש
Now is that not a minhag to be proud of?  Fine, fine people.

PInchas, Drasha for Sheva Brachos (#5)

The Medrash (בראשית רבה פרשה ס"ח:ג-ד, ויקרא רבה פרשה ח:א, במדבר רבה פרשה ג:ו)  tells the following story.

רבי יהודה בר סימון פתח (תהלים ס"ח) 'אלהים מושיב יחידים ביתה'. מטרונה שאלה את ר' יוסי בר חלפתא אמרה לו לכמה ימים ברא הקב"ה את עולמו, אמר לה לששת ימים, כדכתיב (שמות כ') 'כי ששת ימים עשה ה' את השמים ואת הארץ'. אמרה לו מה הוא עושה מאותה שעה ועד עכשיו, אמר לה הקב"ה יושב ומזווג זיווגים, בתו של פלוני לפלוני, אשתו של פלוני לפלוני, ממונו של פלוני לפלוני.

Someone asked Rav Yosi ben Chalafta, if it took Hashem six days to create the world, how does He spend his time since then?  He answered that Hashem spends His time making shidduchim.

I wonder, given that shidduchim are important, are they so important that the Ribono shel Olam needs to spend time working on them?  And what would be so bad if they were just left to chance, like the rest of the world does it?

And the Gemara (Moed Kattan 18b) reiterates this lesson; whatever you think about hashgacha pratis, shidduchim are in the hands of the Ribono shel Olam, and only the most serious and concerted effort of tefilla (see Rashi there DH או איהו) can circumvent that will.

אמר רב משום רבי ראובן בן אצטרובילי מן התורה ומן הנביאים ומן הכתובים מה' אשה לאיש.   מן התורה- דכתיב (בראשית כד) ויען לבן ובתואל ויאמרו מה' יצא הדבר. מן הנביאים- דכתיב (שופטים יד) ואביו ואמו לא ידעו כי מה' היא. מן הכתובים דכתיב (משלי יט) בית והון נחלת אבות ומה' אשה משכלת

In fact, the Medrash immediately before the one I quoted above says the same as the Gemara:

ר' אבהו פתח (משלי י"ט) 'בית והון נחלת אבות ומה' אשה משכלת'. רבי פנחס בשם ר' אבהו מצינו בתורה בנביאים ובכתובים שאין זיווגו של איש אלא מן הקב"ה. בתורה מנין (בראשית כ"ד) 'ויען לבן ובתואל ויאמרו מה' יצא הדבר'. בנביאים (שופטים י"ד) 'ואביו ואמו לא ידעו כי מה' הוא'. בכתובים היינו דכתיב (משלי י"ט) 'ומה' אשה משכלת'. יש שהוא הולך אצל זיווגו ויש שזיווגו בא אצלו. יצחק זיווגו בא אצלו, 'וירא והנה גמלים באים'. יעקב הלך אצל זיווגו, דכתיב 'ויצא יעקב'.

So what's so important about this?  Why, of all events in life, does the Gemara describe zivug as so vital, so essential, that the Ribono shel Olam can be said to spend all His time after Brias Ha"olam in organizing Shidduchim?

Chazal (Shavuos 30b, regarding Rav Huna's wife appearing in court before Reb Nachman) tell us that אשת חבר הרי היא כחבר, the wife of a Talmid Chacham must be shown the same respect as her husband.  Why is this true?  Simply, one might say that it is similar to honoring one's older brother, or a step mother, where the honor shown to them enures to the father.  I believe there is more to it than that.

מעשה בר"ש בן חלפתא שבא ערב שבת ולא היה לו מאן להתפרנס יצא לו חוץ מן העיר והתפלל לפני האלהים וניתן לו אבן טובה מן השמים נתנה לשולחני ופרנס אותה שבת אמרה אשתו מהיכן אלו אמר לה ממה שפרנס הקב"ה אמרה אם אין אתה אומר לי מהיכן הן איני טועמת כלום התחיל מספר לה אמר לה כך נתפללתי לפני האלהים וניתן לי מן השמים אמרה לו איני טועמת כלום עד שתאמר לי שתחזירה מוצאי שבת אמר לה למה אמרה לו אתה רוצה שיהא שולחנך חסר ושולחן חבירך מלא והלך ר' שמעון והודיע מעשה לרבי אמר לו לך אמור לה אם שולחנך חסר אני אמלאנו משלי הלך ואמר לה אמרה לו לך עמי למי שלמדך תורה אמרה לו ר' וכי רואה אדם לחבירו לעוה"ב לא כל צדיק וצדיק הוה ליה עולם בעצמו שנאמר (קהלת יב) כי הולך האדם אל בית עולמו וסבבו בשוק הסופדים עולמים אין כתיב אלא עולמו כיון ששמע כן הלך והחזיר

(Shmos Rabba 52:3)

Reb Shimon ben Chalafta needed money for shabbos, got a gem from shamayim, pawned it for money and bought food,  he brought it home and his wife asked him where'd you get the money for this stuff.  He told her what happened, and she said I won't eat a bite of  the food until you promise me you'll return the precious stone Motzei Shabbos.

This was the only time this happened; he always had money to buy shabbos, but this happened to be a bad week, and he thought he could use the miracle with nobody knowing.  His wife sniffed out the secret.  Not only did she sniff out his secret, she told him that she refused to benefit from a neis.  She said, everyone else will have full tables, and we'll have a hole in middle? Reb Shimon went to Rebbi, and Rebbi said, tell her I'll give you from my table in Olam Haba.  She said, I'm going to Rebbi with you, and we'll see.  She said to Rebbi, since when can a person get anything from another in OhB?  Everyone has his own world, no more and no less!  You can't go next door and borrow a cup of sugar in Shamayim!  When he heard this, he agreed to give it back.  (There is a similar story in Taanis 25a involving Reb Chanina ben Dosa and his wife.)

Do you realize who we're talking about here?   The greatest gedolim of the generation that wrote the Mishnayos, people who would have been nevi'im if their generation merited it.  They were geniuses and tzadikim that spent every waking moment in the Beis Medrash learning with all their strength from the gedolei hador, arguing, discussing, thinking, memorizing, with siyata dishmaya, and Mrs. Chalafta and Mrs. Dosa were at home changing diapers and sewing and doing the laundry.  And when it came to this very important matter of hashkafa, of what is right and what is wrong, of what a person ought to be doing and working towards in life, these women blew them all away and made it crystal clear to them that they were wrong.  They out-thought them and out-haskafa'ed them.  

This reminds me of the story with the Brisker Rov.  His Rebbitzen was over cleaning for Pesach, and he told her that she didn't need to do half of what she was doing.  She answered "If I would listen to you, we would have been eating Chametz at the Seder for a long time."

That is what the Netziv (Harchev Davar Breishis 2:18, and see Haamek Davar Breishis 4:19) calls an eizer k'negdo.  The netziv says, eizer k'negdo means that when you go off the track, your wife will help you by pointing out what you are doing wrong.  She will praise her husband when he should be praised, but also offer him insights that he would otherwise not have.  The latter, showing him his mistake when necessary, is the greater service.

The binah yeseirah that a woman has can grow without limit.  The only limit to its growth is the husband's madreigah.  In a properly constituted home, in a home where the husband and wife share ideas of avodas Hashem and mussar, the husband and wife will grow together.  The wife will grow from what she learns from the husband, and the husband will grow from what he learns from his wife, and the two will create a shleimus and kedusha far greater than the sum of what they could have created individually.  No matter what the husband's madreiga, his wife will have rachamim and bina yeseirah to offer that he should heed.  No  matter what the wife's madreiga, the husband will have chochma and gevura that the she should heed.  Avraham Avinu would have been different without a Sara.  Sara without an Avraham would never have come to a madreiga of nevua of כל אשר תאמר לך.  One without the other simply would not be a Tzelem Elokim.  (See note 1.)

Each party contributes their share to the Hashra'as Hashechina of a Bayis Ne'eman, and each contribution is unique and essential.

In Parshas Pinchas, Hashem counts the Jewish People again.  The Kli Yakar here (26:10), on the passuk .  Le'Chanoch, mishpachas haChanochi, le'Chetzron, etc, points out that the family names have an extra hei and yud, "haPalu'i, haChetzroni."  These two letters form name of Hashem.  Why does it appear specifically here?  Because Klal Yisrael was never suspected of pritzus, even the sonei yisrael knew that the Jewish family is kodesh kadashim.  But after Bnos Midian, the nations said "They’re no different than the rest of us, their blood was mixed when they were slaves in Mitzrayim."  So Hashem said eidus that they were pure.  The eidus is evident in the name of Hashem, the yud and the hei, which is the shechina that is brought about by a holy family life, the Yud from ish and and the Hei from isha.  They were each born from parents whose marriage created a hashra’as hashechina in their home. 

So why is the hei first?  The yud is the man's and the hei is the woman's contribution!  He answers that the as far as the right to inherit Eretz Yisrael, the women were more entitled than the men.  Their entitlement was based on two things in which they outdid the men of that generation- Tzniyus and the Love of Eretz Yisrael.  In 26:64, he explains that this is one of the reasons that the parsha ends by saying “uv’eileh lo hoyoh ish.”  Rashi- No Ish who had been counted earlier survived to be counted again, but many nashim.  Although the gzeira of the midbar affected the men, which is why Hashem counted them again, but there were plenty of elderly women who did enter Eretz Yisrael.  Rashi says that the reason is because they were lovers of Eretz Yisrael; when the men looked for excuses not to enter Eretz Yisrael, the women never gave up hope that they would be zocheh to live in Eretz Yisrael, so they weren’t affected by the gzeiras meraglim.  Rashi reiterates this in the beginning of the parsha of bnos Tzelafchad as to why they were nisyacheis to Yosef.  Yosef was also mechaveiv Eretz Yisrael- he said Veha’alisem es atzmosai.  Bnos Tzelofchod, descendants of Yosef, embodied the mesora of chibas ha’aretz.  Also, Yosef was famously chaste, and it was these characteristics that shone forth in the women of that generation.

So we see that the kedusha that is created in a Jewish home, in a home of hashra'as hashechina, a home in which both the husband and the wife learn from each other, that kedusha is a gift from the Ribono shel Olam that can be gotten nowhere but the hand of Hashem.  It's a shleimus that can't be achieved by yourself.  Yes, a man should be a man, dedicated to עמלות בתורה  and gevura,  and a woman should be a woman, nurturing, a paragon of צניעות and  בטחון.  But most importantly, the man and the woman must talk to each other, discuss spiritual matters with each other, share their growth with each other.  The husband learns from the binah and middos of his wife and incorporates and remakes them in his own distinctive masculine persona, and the woman learns from the chochma and gevura of the husband and incorporates and reinvents that chochma in her distinctive feminine character.  And that is how the true Tzelem Elokim is created. 

I suggest that this is the pshat in the first bracha of the Sheva Brachos, Shehakol Bara Lichvodo.  Hakol means disparate parts combined.  It is only with Hakol that Hashem's shechina can truly be revealed in the world.  The Hakol is the bond of kedusha and love and mutual respect and intertwined pursuit of shleimus between a husband and wife, the Shleimus of the Bayis Ne'eman that creates the Hashra'as Hashechina.

 Notes:
1.  The Abudraham brings from the Gemara in Kiddushin that the reason there are two brachos in Sheva Brachos on the same topic- Yotzer Ha'adam and Yatzar es Ha'adam BeTzalmo is that one refers to the first stage of creation and the other to the second.  He explains that the "second stage of creation" means after Chava was created- and that only then can we truly refer to humankind as having the Tzelem Elokim.  Man alone is not the Tzelem Elokim, and woman alone is not the Tzelem Elokim.  Only man plus woman is the Tzelem Elokim.  He, of course, is talking about the middos of gevura and rachamim and bina and so forth, which is the point of this Dvar Torah.

2.  The Netziv actually says that some people used to marry two wives, one for beauty and silence, and one as a peer that would advise and criticize when necessary.  The same is certainly true now.  Some women are just pieces of fluff with no involvement in their husband's spiritual or intellectual or financial life, and some men are totally unaffected by the middos of their wives.  Their intersection is purely utilitarian and does not change them at all.  When this happens, it's the fault of both parties.  That's why I said that the optimum arrangement, where each grows and the other grows with them, is a matter of sharing and discussion and empathy and only happens in a well-constituted home.  It's not automatic.

3.  Daniel, in the comments, writes that he doesn't believe that all marriages are bashert.  There are rishonim that agree with him.  The Gemara in Sotah 2b and Sanhedrin 22a goes like this:

כי הוה פתח ריש לקיש בסוטה אמר הכי :

'אין מזווגין לו לאדם אשה אלא לפי מעשיו' שנאמר :"כי לא ינוח שבט הרשע על גורל הצדיקים"(תהילים קכה')

אמר רבה בר בר חנה אמר ר' יוחנן וקשים לזווגן כקריעת ים סוף, שנאמר: "אלהים מושיב יחידים ביתה מוציא אסירים בכושרות"(תהילים סח').

 איני (האמנם)?

והא אמר רב יהודה אמר רב: ארבעים יום קודם יצירת הולד בת קול יוצאת ואומרת בת פלוני לפלוני בית פלוני לפלוני שדה פלוני לפלוני?

לא קשיא. הא בזוג ראשון הא בזוג שני:

The Gemara contrasts the usual statement of shidduchim being a matter of fate with Reish Lakish'es statement that  a shidduch is a result of one's behavior and merit.  The Gemara answers that one is in regard to zivug rishon, the first match, and the other in regard to zivug sheini, the second.  What rishon and sheini mean is argued among the rishonim.  Rashi, of course, learns it means chronologically.  However, others hold exactly the opposite.  The Akeida and others learn that it means alternative models, one the preferred, and one not preferred.  So Yes, Daniel is right.  But there are things that are worth believing even if they are not true.

4.    Yes, I know that the Medrash also says אשתו של פלוני לפלוני, ממונו של פלוני לפלוני.  It's a vort, not the yud gimmel ikrim.  The main point is that אשת חבר הרי היא כחבר is not just a din in being mechabed the talmid chacham.  It is based on the spiritual resonance that develops between husband and wife in the marriage envisioned in the Torah.

5.  It's possible that what I'm saying about אשת חבר הרי היא כחבר is based on the concept of גדול שימושה יותר מלימודה (Brachos 7b, and see Tosfos Kesuvos 17a DH Mevatlin).  That's not very different than what I'm saying.

6. Someone wrote that this Dvar Torah is mawkish.  MAWKISH!  It's a sheva brachos drasha, so deal with it.  But it's nice to be excoriated with style.

7. Since we're talking about  אשת חבר כחבר, I'll share an experience of this morning, 11/14/22. I attended a bris of the grandchild of Rabbi Olstein in Chicago. He is the Menahel Ruchani of the Blitstein Institute for Women, a frum women's college. When he lived in Israel, he was certified as a dayan in choshen mishpat, so he knows how to learn. He and my wife respect and like each other very much, stemming from their interactions at the Blitstein Institute. I was honored with bentching at the bris, much to my surprise, and he told me afterwards that for all that he respects me, the zechus was because of  אשת חבר כחבר. Bishlema if he said אשתו כגופו, nu, meila. But using  אשת חבר הרי היא כחבר was novel, that I got the kibbud because of my wife. I wonder if there are any other such cases in Tanach or in divrei Chazal.

Balak: Invisible to Some, Obvious to Others. Reb Chaim Stein

I was in Cleveland this week to be menachem aveil the family of Reb Chaim Stein.  He was very close to my family.  Besides the time in Samarkahnd when he was with my parents, he and his Rebbitzen were the Unterfirers for my parents when they got married, and Reb Chaim was one of the Eidim on my parents' Kesuva.  When my parents first came to America, they first went to Cleveland, and my father learned with Reb Chaim be'chavrusa, until my father decided that Cleveland was not the place to be unless you were related to the family of the founders of the yeshiva.  My father and Reb Chaim remained very close until their last years, with my father calling Reb Chaim on the telephone whenever he had a good he'ara on the Gemara.  I remember many times, hearing my father and his chavrusa arguing, until finally I heard the "Ich gei callen Reb Chaim!  Erleidikt!"  (Finished!  I'm going to call Reb Chaim.")

While I was there, I heard two interesting things.  They were said by Rabbi Shmuel Kaufman, who personally witnessed the first event, and heard the second from an individual that was present.

1. The Satmerer Rov once came to Cleveland.  When he was at the train station, and the yeshiva came to see him, he said he was not going to leave Cleveland before he got a bracha from Reb Chaim Stein.

2. The Rimnitzer Rebbe, a man who was sought out for brachos from the four corners of the world, also once said that he wanted to get a bracha from Reb Chaim.

The odd thing is that these people were not close to Reb Chaim.  If they ever saw him, it was at a wedding, or at a meeting.  But their eyes were not like my eyes or your eyes.  When most people would see Reb Chaim, they saw a refined and scholarly gentleman, a man with kind eyes and a dignified but approachable mein, a man with the energy and curiosity of youth even in his old age.  When the Satmerer Rov and the Rimnitzer Rebbe looked at Reb Chaim, they saw a Malach, a man of purity and towering spiritual grandeur.  As the Satmerer is quoted as having said, Reb Chaim never tasted the flavor of sin, lo to'am ta'am chet.

When Bilam's donkey shuddered and turned away, Bilam was angry.  What are you doing?  What's wrong with you?  Finally the donkey told Bilam that if he weren't so stupid, if he saw what the donkey saw, he would have run away screaming.    When Avraham and Yitzchak saw the Shechina atop the mountain, he asked Eliezer and Yishmael, what do  you see?  They said, we see a mountain, but nothing else.  Avraham said, now you stay here with the donkey, שבו לכם פה עם החמור, from which we derive the expression  עם הדומה לחמור.   You have spent all of these years in my house, and all you see is a mountain?  Then as far as spiritual sensitivity, you're like donkeys.  Not only like a chamor, but not even like Bilam's chamor.  At least Bilam's chamor could see!  Unfortunately, our physical eyes are blind to much that is in front of us, and our objective empirical conclusions are worthless without siyata dishmaya.  אמר רבי בנימין הכל בחזקת סומין עד שהקדוש ברוך הוא מאיר את עיניהם.  (Breishis Rabba 53:14)