Sunday, June 3, 2007

Shlach: Drasha for Sheva Brachos (#2)

This is very, very succinct. You can use one part of it, adjust it to your needs, and have a perfectly useful Drasha.

The specific connection with this week's parsha is the fact that the din of Tzitzis is here, but it can be used any time. With a little effort on your part, it can be developed into an excellent Dvar Torah for a Sheva Brachot. Or Vort for a Sheva Brochos. As I've said before, the traffic on this site is pretty light, so if you use it without attribution, you probably can get away with it. Who would you attribute it to, anyway? Barzilai? That's just a pseudonym I took out of Tanach for reasons that are none of your business. Just don't use it before tonight, June 3 '07, because that's when it is going to debut in Lakewood.

First of all, we must remember that even after Hashem told the Jewish people how wonderful the land of Israel is, they insisted on checking it out themselves. Similarly, as soon as the chassan heard about how marvelous the kallah is, and what a yichus she has, and how brilliant and kind she is, it was clear that this was a great opportunity. Still, there was only one thing he had to verify for himself-- "Hashemeinah hee im Razah." (For the humorless among you, I need to identify that as a joke.)

Second, and more seriously: Building a Bayis Ne'eman requires three elements: A foundation, walls, and a roof.

The foundation is the history the couple brings to the marriage: their families, what they have learned, and their achievements in Middos and Chessed.

The walls are the contribution of the Kallah. Under the Chupah, the Kallah walks around the Chassan seven times, as we did with the Aravah on Sukkos around the Mizbei'ach, to symbolize that it is the Akeres Habayis that creates the circumstances of kedushah that separate the home life from the influences of the secular world. As the Gemora (Yevamos 62b) says, "Hasharui be'lo ishah, sharui... be'lo Chomah." One who is without a wife, lacks a wall. The wife creates the walls that define and surround the Jewish home.

The roof is the contribution of the Chassan. In Megilas Rus (3:9), Boaz was asked "Ufarasta kenafecha ahl amasecha,"  ופרשת כנפיך על-אמתך-  spread the corner of your garment over your maidservant. Rashi says  וּפְָרַשְׂתָּ כְנָפֶךָ. כְּנַף בִּגְדְּךָ לְכַסּוֹתִי בְטַלִּיתְךָ וְהוּא לְשׁוֹן נִשּׂוּאִין.  The husband brings the Kallah to the chuppah that he creates, and that chuppah is the roof of the bayis ne'eman. What does the roof signify? The Gemora in Menachos says that Tzitzis, which are discussed at the end of this week's parsha, are a segula for two things: for Tznius and for a kosher Parnassah. It is when a person gets married that these two things acquire the greatest importance, when he becomes responsible for the wellfare of his wife and family. It is with the middah of Tznius, and the siyata dishmaya to ensure that the home is sustained with only koshereh parnassah, that the husband creates a roof of the bayis ne'eman.

It is with these three elements that a Bayis Ne'eman is created. With the foundation of experience and history and influence and family that the Chassan and Kallah bring with themselves; with the walls of kedusha that exclude the outside world and create within them an environment of kedusha; and the roof of tznius and ehrlichkeit that is symbolized in the Chuppah, the Tallis Gadol that the Chassan wears on his body and with which he provides shelter and safety for his Bayis Ne'eman.

A more effective way to arrange the vort is this:

Minhag among Eastern Europeans to not wear Tallis Gadol till married.

Maharil says because parsha of marriage is next to Parsha of Tzitzis, also we find in Megillas Rus (see Rashi on 3:9) the expression for marriage being uforasto kenofecha ahl amasecha.

But what’s the real underlying reason?

We find two segulos associated with wearing tzitzis; Tznius and Ehrlichkeit in Parnassah (Menachos 43 and 44).

Tznius is a way of life, and not at all limited to physical modesty. Modesty means that you don't show off your money, your holiness, or your shittos. Ehrlichkeit in parnassah means that you want every element that contributes to your lifestyle to be kosher in all ways.

The most important time to ask for siyata dishmaya in these two elements is when one gets married.

The Tallis, the Chupah, that represents these two elements, is only the ceiling.

You can't just float a roof on nothing. There have to be walls that hold it up. In fact, to build a Bayis Ne’emon you need three things: Foundation, Walls, and Roof.


Walls– kedushoh created by the Akkeres Habyis, as it says, hashorui belo isho shorui belo chomoh. (INSERT NICE THINGS ABOUT THE KALLAH, and her good sense of knowing what to allow and what to exclude from a good Jewish home, about what to encourage and what to discourage, about inculcating in herself and in others everything the Mesilas Yeshorim, or her favorite sefer, discusses.)

Foundation– parents, chinuch, middos. (INSERT NICE THINGS ABOUT THE FAMILIES {don't forget Elter Bobbeh SHPRINTZEH FLOSHEH GRENDEL} AND YESHIVOS AND RABBEIM AND RABBONIM that guided the Chassan and Kallah to this point.)

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