Exploiting the Newly Dead

 Thinking about the interplay of the two themes of Purim, that it a special time of ratzon for Hashem to answer our Tefillos, and we, here on Earth, give tzedaka to whoever asks for it- deserving or not כל הפושט יד נותנים לו- reminded me of the crass self interest we see at funerals.

Every levaya people ask the niftar for mechila. I have been told that many gedolim say that asking a recent niftar to be a meilitz yosher or for help in shidduchim or for anything else is not right, because they are suddenly immersed in the most terrifying time of their existence (even Reb Yochanan ben Zakai  ברכות כח ע"ב), when they and the Beis Din shel Maalah review their lives, what they did, what they failed to do, and all the inconceivably enormous consequences of those deeds and misdeeds and failures, all masks and delusions and excuses are ripped away and they face the ultimate and terrible truth, and they really have neither the time nor the inclination to put in a good word for you. 

But the fact is that people say "please be mochel me if I this, or that, or whatever." Why? I think this is because you have the nifter over a barrel.  This soul that is about to be judged, when you ask them to be mochel you, they know very well that this is not the time to say "No, I will not be mochel you, you hurt me, you cheated me, you ignored me, you wronged me," and so on. A soul that is unwilling to be mochel is asking for trouble. במדה שאדם מודד בו מודדים לו. The judges on the Heavenly Court would rightly say "You aren't mochel, and you ask for mechila? You are such a kapdan, we should be mevateir?" Even on erev Yom Kippur, this is a major theme of the תפילה זכה . So the niftar has no choice. Even if you really wronged him, and really do not deserve the mechila, you'll get it anyway.  I think that's pretty nasty. If you want mechilla, figure out a way to undo the wrong you did. Do mitzvos in his or her name, give tzedaka, learn mishnayos, build an orphanage, whatever. But don't take advantage of the nifter's terror to get what you don't deserve just by asking mechila.  I personally hope that when I die, people will walk by and say they're mochel me. That would be a nice thing to do.