Bar Mitzva and Mattan Torah

(First said at the Bar Mitzva of my nephew, Ephraim Fishel Feinstein, in Staten Island, Parshas Yisro תשפ"ד, February 2024.)

A Bar Mitzva, when a young person becomes a Bar Chiyuva, has similarities to Mattan Torah at Har Sinai, when Klal Yisrael swore to observe the mitzvos and became Bnei Chiyuva. 

Chazal (Shabbos 88) darshen (Shemos 19:17) ויתיצבו בתחתית ההר :

אמר רב אבדימי בר חמא בר חסא: מלמד שכפה הקדוש ברוך הוא עליהם את ההר כגיגית, ואמר להם: אם אתם מקבלים התורה , ואם לאו — שם תהא קבורתכם.

Despite the fact that Klal Yisrael was mekabel the mitzvos with enthusiasm, כל אשר דיבר השם נעשה  and נעשה ונשמע, there seems to have been some trepidation on their part. 

The ambivalence in Klal Yisrael's kabbala, an ambivalence between whole-hearted enthusiasm and hesitation, is really evident in this passuk alone, in the words ויתיצבו...תחת ההר.   .

ויתיצבו is not ויעמדו.   The Malbim (Shmuel I 3:10) explains the difference between לעמוד and להתיצב.  

וכבר ידעת ההבדל בין עומד ובין נצב, שההתיצבות הוא בדבר שצריך להתחזק על שישאר במקום ההוא,

להתיצב means to make a conscious effort to stand, to muster courage and confidence to stand despite difficulty. It seems to me that davka at the moment of כפה עליהם את ההר כגיגית, at the moment their decision had to be reinforced by revealing that they had no alternative, they did not accept because of duress; they accepted with ויתיצבו. They took a stand. 

What was it about Kabbalas Hatorah that took courage? It seems that it is the greatest gift, and if a person understands what is involved, he would do anything to be given the zechus of Kabalas HaTorah.

I think the hint of the answer is found in the Mishna in Avos 6:2

ואומר (שמות לב טז): "והלוחות מעשה אלהים המה והמכתב מכתב אלהים הוא חרות על הלוחות", אל תקרא חרות אלא חירות, שאין לך בן חורין אלא מי שעוסק בתלמוד תורה.

Chazal tell us that Kabbalas haTorah makes a person into a Ben Chorin.  In what sense is he a ben chorin? My father in law, שליט"א, in his sefer on Avos, says ben chorin means free of doubt. A ben Torah understands the world. The lies of politicians and corporations and ethnicities mean nothing: he has a mesora of truth, and the טביעת עין to recognize it, and he is a ben chorin, he is free of doubt. 

Reb Chaim says in his רוח חיים that it means he is free from the desperation others have because of impositions made by the government and the fear of penury, because (Avos 3:5) כל המקבל עליו עול תורה, מעבירין ממנו עול מלכות ועול דרך ארץ.

I always felt that it means what the Abrabanel says. It really means בן חורין  in the sense of the Hagaddah, a free man and not a slave. A man without Torah is an Eved. A man with Torah is a Ben Chorin. A man without Torah is a slave to his Yetzer Hara. He is a slave to his נפש הבהמית. 

This is not just a high philosophical concept. Every recovered addict will tell you that while he was addicted he did what he wanted to do, he sought and found the most intense pleasure. But now that he is recovered, he will tell you "Thank God I have that monkey off my back." They are so relieved that they regained their self control, that they are not driven to the self-destructive behavior they experienced. 

For an addict, the נפש הבהמית drives the חלק אלוה ממעל. For a Ben Chorin, the חלק אלוה ממעל is in charge. 

Who is the real Ben Chorin? The man who pursues whatever pleasure attracts him at the moment, or the person who disdains worldly pleasures and develops that which makes him uniquely human? It is not just a difference between Eved and Ben Chorin. It is the difference between בהמה and אדם, between נפש הבהמית and ויפח באפיו נשמת חיים where (Ramban Breishis 2:7) כי הנופח באפי אחר מנשמתו יתן בו.

If Mattan Torah made Avadim into Bnei Chorin, the explanation of the ambivalence is simple.

There is a machlokes Reb Meir and the Chachamim whether you say זכין לאדם שלא בפניו to be meshachrer an Eved Knaani. Reb Meir holds it is not a zechus gamur.

Gittin 13a

 ולרבי מאיר – תינח עבד כהן, עבד ישראל מאי איכא למימר? אמר רבי שמואל בר רב יצחק: מפני שמפסידו משפחה כנענית. אדרבה, הרי הוא מתירו בבת חורין! עבדא בהפקירא ניחא ליה – זילא ליה, שכיחא ליה, פריצה ליה.

The Chachamim hold that the average eved knaani would be happy to be freed, so it is called a zechus gamur. If, however, this particular eved would hear about it and protest his שחרור, the assumption would fall, and he would not be freed with זכין. 

The Rashba ( .קידושין כ"ג) holds that even if he protested, he would be freed with זכין  because it's such an obvious zechus to be chayav in mitzvos that we would regard his protest as deranged and legally meaningless - בטלה דעתו אצל דעת כל אדם. Here is the Rashba.

ואי לאו דמסתפינא אמינא דהכא אפילו בעל כרחו נמי ומתנת ממון שאני דלאו זכות גמור הוא ואדרבה חוב מצד עצמו דכתיב ושונא מתנות יחיה, אלא מיהו מצד שנפשו של אדם מחמדתן קרי' ליה זכות ואף על פי שהוא מצד עצמו חובה זכין לו שלא בפניו אבל גט שחרור דזכות גמור הוא ומתירו בבת חורין ומכניסו לכלל מצות כישראל זכין לו מ"מ ואפי' עומד וצווח בטלה דעתו אצל כל אדם. 

The Rashba is very shver, though. It is impossible that the Rabanan hold it is such a zechus that even עומד וצווח  we say בטלה דעתו, if Reb Meir holds that it is not a zechus gamur. You can't have such an extreme machlokes, that Reb Meir holds it is a chov, and the Rabanan hold that the zechus is so great that even if this eved doesn't want it, his daas is so abnormal as to not be recognized as daas at all.

Ella mai, the Rashba holds that the machlokes RM and the Ch is how to define zechus. The Rabanan look at the reality, and Reb Meir looks at his actual desire, unreasonable as it is. The other Rishonim hold the machlokes is, where he has no express daas, what the umdena is by an eved.

Even the Rabanan that hold that the umdena is that it is a zechus gamur for an eved, they do not hold that it is a zechus gamr for a free non-Jew to become a ger, such as in the case of a kattan. The Gemara says in Kesuvos 11a that there is no din of זכין by geirus of a kattan because of the attractions of hefkeirus. Tosfos asks, but we hold like the Rabbanan of Reb Meir, that it is a zechus gamur! Tosfos answers that this is only if shichrur/geirus comes along with freedom from avdus. The Meiri answers that an Eved already has many restrictions, so he is not losing so much, whereas almost everything is muttar to a free non-Jew.  But stam, even the Chachamim agree that you can't call geirus a zechus gamur. 

If so, it is very reasonable for Klal Yisrael to be afraid of the עול מצוות. Of course they knew that it is the greatest zechus possible to be an eved Hashem and to use our bechira to become kedoshim. Of course they knew that the enticements of the Yetzer Hara are harmful to the Neshama, to our uniquely human aspect. And of course they knew that they would be better off forced to follow the Taryag mitzvos. But it was a special chesed of the Ribono shel Olam to be כפה עליהן הר. Davka with that כפייה were we confident that we could make it. Davka when כפה עליהם הר were they able to feel confident that they would attain the gadlus Hashem offered them.

Becoming a בר חיובא by taking on the עול מצוות בשמחה is when you decide that you are going to be a בן חורין instead of an עבד. This is not Orwellian propaganda, that only an eved can be a ben chorin. It is a simple reality of life that any mature adult can attest to, either with pride or regret. There were even Roman philosophers of Stoicism who disdained the Epicureans, and they taught the truism that nemo liber est qui corpore servit, the disgrace of i peccator carnali, che la ragion sommettono al talento.

So all the pshatim in אין לך בן חורין אלא מי שעוסק בתלמוד תורה are the same idea. My shver's freedom from delusion, the Rav's לפי שבני אדם מכבדין ומשמשין לפניו, ומי שאינו עוסק בה מתרחקין ממנו אלמא כמנודה הוא, Reb Chaim's כי הפורק ממנו עול תורה נותנים עליו עול דרך ארץ, they are all because he is a real Ben Chorin, a man that has been freed to be a true ben adam, the בחיר הבריאה, about whom Rav Shimon ben Elazar said

 מימי לא ראיתי צבי קייץ וארי סבל ושועל חנוני והם מתפרנסים שלא בצער והם לא נבראו אלא לשמשני ואני נבראתי לשמש את קוני מה אלו שלא נבראו אלא לשמשני מתפרנסים שלא בצער ואני שנבראתי לשמש את קוני אינו דין שאתפרנס שלא בצער אלא שהרעותי את מעשי וקיפחתי את פרנסתי שנאמר (ירמיהו ה, כה) עונותיכם הטו:

It is important for every Bar Mitzva to realize that becoming a true Ben Adam, a true Ben Chorin, is not handed to you on a silver platter. It is the work of a lifetime.  It is a process that requires Yiras Shamayim, and Ehrlichkeit, and Discipline, and, most of all, the study and emulation of role models who exemplify what it means to be a fully functional human being who is also an Eved Hashem.  (and it helps to marry the right woman, too.)